Oh, London. How I have dreamt of meeting you. When we finally shook hands, I was kind of underwhelmed, but at the same time, still ever so intrigued to get to know you more. So, let’s get this out of the way: London is not polite, and it certainly doesn’t care that you’ve flown halfway across the world to see it. It is messy, loud, historical, breathtaking, and overpriced; and to be honest, that is part of its charm.

Whether or not you’re going to get on the touristy train to check out all the things that make London famous, you will somehow still come across the beautifully messy parts of the city. And here’s the truth on how to survive it with a big hug.

1. The Tube: A hellish blessing

Image by Bruno Martins

The London Underground is your lifeline, but also your emotional tormentor. Some rules:

  • Stand on the right. I cannot stress this enough. If you block the escalator, may God have mercy on your soul. Seriously, do not stand on the left.
  • The Central Line is Satan’s sauna. In summer, it will cook you alive. Bring water, wear deodorant, and know that every person around you is also dying inside. It’s survival of the fittest, especially during rush hour, but we say it’s in the name of character-building.
  • Oyster card vs. contactless? Just tap your debit card. Less faff, less queueing.
  • Last Tube runs around midnight. Miss it, and you’ll discover the hellscape that is the night bus system.

Pro tip: Don’t talk to anyone on the Tube. Make dead eye contact with the floor, like everyone else. That’s how you’ll fit in.

2. Forget Big Ben—it’s just a clock (but respect the chaos around it)

Okay, this is high on the touristy list. And yes, you want the famous photo with Big Ben. But take it, post it, and move on. The trick? Don’t stand in the middle of Westminster Bridge like a tourist-shaped traffic cone. Head to the side streets behind Parliament instead. Less crowds, better angles.

Also, Big Ben is not the tower—it’s the bell. Londoners will silently judge you, but don’t worry, they’re already too angry about everything to say anything.

3. Walk, because that’s where magic awaits

Image by Ashleigh Joy Photography

London looks enormous, but the best bits are walkable. And if you’re a parent with little ones still in strollers, we suggest braving it anyway. Covent Garden to Soho to Leicester Square? That’s a stroll, not a Tube ride. You’ll chance upon weird back alleys, hidden bookstores or ice cream stalls, and a pub named something like The Drunken Duck’s Elbow.

Pro tip: Carry an umbrella. Not because it rains nonstop (it doesn’t), but because London weather is a bipolar menace. One minute it’s sunshine, next minute it’s a biblical flood.

Pro, pro tip: Wear comfortable walking shoes because there is so much to explore. If you’re in something that may look good but doesn’t function as well, chances are you won’t walk for long. And like we said, the beauty of London lies in the most unexpected corners.

4. Learn the London walk

While we’re on the subject of walking, heed this: the pace here is fast, purposeful, and don’t-stop-for-anyone. If you dawdle, you’ll get trampled (and a look). Master the stride as it’s basically the city’s unspoken law.

5. Food: Lower expectations, then explore

Image by Bruno Martins

Traditional British food? Meh. Okay, maybe not entirely meh—give it a go but then move on. London’s secret weapon is its incredibly diverse food scene. Curry in Brick Lane, Turkish in Green Lanes, Vietnamese in Shoreditch, Caribbean in Brixton. Even Malaysian in Waterloo! That’s the real feast. There’s also a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant in Waterloo that knocked our socks off. The lesson here is to explore!

Pro tip: Street food markets (Borough, Spitalfields, Camden) are unbeatable. Don’t eat before going though; arrive hungry, eat everything.

6. Museums are free (and that’s your cheat code)

The British Museum, Tate Modern, and Natural History Museum? They’re all free. Wander in, wander out. Perfect for killing time when the weather betrays you (which it will). But here’s the thing that nobody tells you: skip the tourist-packed main halls. Go upstairs, down corridors, into the odd corners.

That’s where you’ll find the real treasures. We literally walked into a vault with some of the world’s most beautiful stones. Explore and you’ll chance upon mummies with no Instagram crowd, or modern art that looks like someone’s toddler spilled paint, but avant-garde.

7. The pub is sacred

Image by Mahesh Patel

Forget your Starbucks (but you should be boycotting, anyway) obsession. London runs on pubs, and at first, we didn’t really get it. But it’s London’s way of slowing down after a day of rat-racing and just connecting with your best mates, colleagues, or strangers visiting the city. We’re not kidding, we ended up chatting to a couple that shared a table with our group. It’s not just about drinking; it’s a cultural ecosystem.

But here are some rules:

  • Order at the bar. There is no table service. Ever. And if you wait, you’ll die waiting.
  • Know your pint. Want something light? Say “lager”. Want to look like you know what you’re doing? Order a “bitter”.
  • Pub food is underrated. Fish and chips, pies, scotch eggs—cheap-ish and hearty.
  • Sunday roast = religion. Yorkshire pudding the size of your head. Don’t miss it, but bear in mind that it’s only available on Sundays. Rookie mistake, thinking we could get it on a weekday.

8. Watch out for pickpockets

Image by Clem Onojeghuo

This one is a tough pill to swallow: London’s crawling with pickpockets, and they’re not clumsy amateurs. These people are Olympic-level thieves. Blink, and your phone’s gone. And yes, I get it, you need the Citymapper app open so you don’t end up in Croydon (eww) by mistake, but flashing your phone in busy areas is basically asking for it to be snatched.

Here’s the truth: it’s stressful as hell to stay hyper-vigilant all the time, but you’ll get used to it. Keep your bag zipped, don’t wave your iPhone around like a glowing tourist beacon, and maybe—just maybe—you’ll avoid getting fleeced.

Pro tip: Buy a phone wrist strap. It looks silly until someone tries to yank your phone, and suddenly you’re the smug genius who still has theirs.

If you want order, predictability, and clean sidewalks, go to Switzerland. If you want a city that bumps into you without saying sorry, and then buys you a pint after, welcome to London.

Our best tip? Don’t fight it. Dive in and embrace the noise (First Responder or police car sirens are literally a thing of the norm), the grime, the beauty, and the madness. Like life, London is unpredictable, and you learn to live with it and love it all the same.